Six Questions With Busy Philipps
I can’t tell you how excited I am to have Busy Philipps here today. Do you guys watch Cougar Town? If not, you should, and why? Because it is the most underrated show on TV. Flat-out hilarious. And the most hilarious part of it is Busy. Seriously: she’s brilliant. Cougar Town isn’t back on ABC until this winter (sob), but the good news is that Busy – whom you’ve seen in everything from Freaks and Geeks to Dawson’s Creek to ER – is hitting the big screen tomorrow in the adaptation of Allison Pearson’s bestselling novel (and must-read for any juggling mom), I Don’t Know How She Does It. Both the book and the movie are all about one mom’s quest to find that impossible balance that so many of us seek. Along the way, she deals with unsympathetic co-workers, demanding office hours, children who miss her, children who love her, a husband who is both devoted and frustrated, and even something many of us wish (and hope) we never have to deal with: lice.
Yup. It’s real life.
Busy plays that mom whom we all know and whom we all (kind of, maybe) secretly hate: the perfect mom, or at least the one who looks perfect but who probably isn’t at all perfect if you examined her a little closer. When Busy’s not lighting up the silver screen, she’s a real life mom to Birdie, who’s 3, and given her fabulous answers below, I think Busy’s pretty close to being perfectly imperfect, which as you know, is exactly the goal that I aspire to here on The Balance Sheet. For more on Busy, be sure to follow her on Twitter.
1) This is a blog about balance in parenting – in essence, the blog version of I Don’t Know How She Does It. I’ve learned balance by saying no (to outside distractions), saying yes (to my kids when I can and when reasonable!), and trying not to be perfect. You’re a busy working mom: how have you found balance between your home and work life? Or, in other words, just how DO you do it?
I think learning to say no is very important, however, I have not mastered that yet. I, in fact, feel like I say yes to everything – making cakes for other kids’ birthdays, doing improv shows at midnight, stranger’s podcast… The list goes on. The truth is, I’m happiest when I’m living up to my name (oh god, I’ve just made a Busy joke — kill me now). But my daughter, Birdie, is always my first priority and I cherish the time we spend together. I would say 98 percent of the time, I’m able to put her to bed at night. Since that’s something that is really important to both of us, I try to schedule work things around that. You know, like, yes, I’ll do your podcast but only AFTER 8pm… Look, some days you win and some days you feel like you need to do it all better — I think not being too hard on yourself is key — and also knowing when you need to ask for help…that’s for sure something I’ve needed to learn to do since becoming a mom…
2) What’s the most important thing that your own parents taught you?
To follow your dreams, whatever they may be. To be true to your self and not to be afraid to stand up for something you believe in, even if it doesn’t make you popular. That my opinion mattered and that I could do anything as long as I was willing to work hard and persevere.
3) What’s the biggest lesson that your daughter has taught you?
To let go. Becoming a mom allowed me to just relax in a way I never had before. I used to care A LOT about what I looked like in public, or what people thought of me. I care at least 40 percent less now (she says sarcastically…HA!). I want Bird to see her mom as a woman who is confident and real; not someone who’s always trying too hard. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to dress up and get fancy from time to time but it’s OK to be sweaty and without makeup at the grocery store or when you’re flying internationally. I may be an actress, but that is NOT what defines me as a woman. It’s just a part of who I am. The bigger part, to me, is being Birdie’s mom, (my husband) Marc’s wif,e and how I’ve worked very hard to grow the past ten or so years. Does that make sense?
4) One thing that I love about your Twitter feed and I find eminently relatable is how you use humor when things aren’t going perfectly. I think that moms who can cut themselves some slack and find the humor in the ridiculous (because parenting can be totally ridiculous) have a slightly easier go of it and may be a little less stressed. Is that just your natural parenting style and have you found this to be true?
I think that very early on, I realized that if I couldn’t come at this parenting thing with humor, I would not only lose my mind, but probably my marriage as well. I took great comfort in something I read in a Dr. Sears book which basically said to remember that the difficult moments WILL pass, and then at some point, you’ll long for the days when your child wanted nothing but to be held by you or rocked to sleep or breast-fed for ten hours straight. (I’m not sure about that last one…)
But basically, this early childhood time is SO fleeting and before you know it, you’ve got some huge person living with you. I think the chances of liking your kids as they grow into adults, and I mean REALLY LIKING, not loving (because obviously you always will love your children no matter what) has a lot to do with this early time in their lives. Birdie is at a point now where she’s more likely to laugh when something doesn’t go her way than cry or get mad. She’s developing her own, very unique, very weird sense of humor. I like to hear the stories she wants to tell me, or the way she interprets things that have happened to her or that she’s seen. The fact is, maybe because I’m lucky enough to have a job that affords me the luxury of SOMETIMES being a stay at home mom and SOMETIMES working full time, I’m able to appreciate both sides so completely.
5) Recently, I was labeling my kids’ clothes for camp, and I felt very much like a MOM – like, hello, I am so my mother! Do you have a moment or memory in which you felt the same?
Anytime I’m packing a bag of any sort for Birdie, I feel like a MOM. Because if it’s lunch, I want to make sure she’s got good healthy things to eat…are all the colors of the rainbow represented — enough veggies, fruit, protein and brown rice crackers or something? But also, I want her to be happy…maybe some organic cookies or Greek yogurt for dessert? And if it’s for a trip, I want to make sure I bring the right clothes, enough leggings, sweaters, tank tops, her favorite Crocs, favorite books, her Tiana doll, favorite pillows and sippy cups and snacks….
6) If you had one hope or aspiration for your daughter, what would it be?
You know, I just wish for her to find happiness, whatever that means for her. For me, it’s all that I have in my life. Which is a job I love, a stable relationship with a partner who helps me to not take it all too seriously and loves me deeply, an awesome kid, a great extended family, amazing friends and some really great vintage dresses and shoes…
